do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Im part way to drunk.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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