I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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