just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just blew my weed a kiss
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
