Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
