He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
