I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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