I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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