Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
