I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
