i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
