I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
