unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
