He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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