I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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