Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Randomize
