dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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