He asked me if I "almost moaned"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
