Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Im part way to drunk.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
