i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
