my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
