i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
