this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
