doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
