if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
