my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
