Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
