I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
