I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
