my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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