On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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