Having a random hookup so left but love u
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
