You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
