This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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