kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
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There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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