Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
