My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
