I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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