Sober January is a disaster.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize