Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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