is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
