No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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