Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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