so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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