i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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