I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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