it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
