So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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