i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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