You're completely useless in the revolution.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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