If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Im part way to drunk.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
