It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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