guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
