I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
