just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
