I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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