I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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