I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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