Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This is my gift to your gina
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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