Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
