there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
