my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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