Who wears a wallet chain?!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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