well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
