took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
