if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Dicks are not precious.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
