Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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