threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
