just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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